And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
