Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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