So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
