I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
