tell your sister to shave her snatch
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
