i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
