I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
