If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
The air taste purple.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
