My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
did i walk over a car last night?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
