It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Its about making memories worth repressing
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
