new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
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Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
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He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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