3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
