dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
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Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
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just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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