Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
it's not cheating when I paid for it
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
