aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
