I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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