Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
