there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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