That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Ketchup is God's man juice
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
