we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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