i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
