Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
