i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
