my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
