i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
