Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.