why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
