The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
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My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
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I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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