My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it