I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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