connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
