you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
Dude. She just shit herself.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.