Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
