is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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