Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
