my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
