i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
