my room smells like sperm. sweet.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Every concussion has its silver lining
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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