Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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