I think I am morally bankrupt
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
