What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
