did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
