I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
