In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
