His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
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I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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