I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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