The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
