Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
