having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Less talking, more tequila
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
