Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
wow bdsm is so cute
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
