ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
