Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
