he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
