I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
