Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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