69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Text me some of your sweat
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
