It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
