Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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