Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
