I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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