I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
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Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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