He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Is Oprah even human
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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