I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
