Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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