your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
they need to just BURY HIM!
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
