the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
