rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
