Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
