Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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