Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
