I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
