im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
