I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
