It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
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I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
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Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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