My sheets look like a crime scene.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
How does it feel to date your dad?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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