when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
