We're facebook friends in real life
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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