Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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