she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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