White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
