Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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