I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
