Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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