It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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