hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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