I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
