Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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