i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
