Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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