good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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