she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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