Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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