I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
