ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The adults are the big ones right?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
