I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize