you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
