I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You took a bar mat shot.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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