it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
